I've been thinking about love. To be more precise, I've been thinking about the different kinds of love. The love you feel for a friend, for an ex, for your (ADORABLE) 4-year old cousin. I've been thinking about how powerful love is, and how it makes us do stupid things, and crazy things. I've had a lot of conversations as of late about love, and how it's not all that matters, but it's like 90% of what we think about.
I'm having problems putting what I want to say into words, for two reasons. One, I can't really get too detailed about the things I've been seeing and hearing and thinking, because this is the internet and I don't want to put people on the spot. But mostly I'm having trouble because anything I could say about love sounds trite as shit. I've typed out and deleted so many paragraphs, because I say something that was really heartfelt and honest and then I realize it's the lyrics to a fucking 80's song. Love really DOES stink.
Here's my stance. Everyone in your life, and I mean every single person, will fuck you over eventually. It is an inevitability. The only questions are when they will do it, and how badly they will do it. Once you come to this realization, everything gets a lot easier. You get less crushed when people you love hurt you, because it was bound to happen. You remove the illusion of perfection that we as a culture have seemed to drape over every relationship due to romantic movies and Disney princesses. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should never love, or never trust. I'm just saying that loving and trusting are a lot easier to do when you come to terms with this simple fact. Forgiveness becomes not a long painful process, but a reasonable logical evaluation. And once you get past the betrayal, you can move on as closer friends/lovers, knowing that that part is over. Unless they turn out to be one of those jackasses that continue to betray your trust and love and respect, and then you stab them in their sleep.
I wrote these next few short pieces as mini-love letters. Granted, I think the first one I wrote was about my car, but a girl has certain priorities. These were all just little dorky things I penned out on a napkin at 3 am, or a sticky note at work. Re-reading them, it blows my mind that I never wrote one for an actual boyfriend. I'm going to change the names to protect the innocent, but darlin, ain't none of my friends innocent.
Elementary
She sighs, and exhales a thin stream of gray-blue smoke while she clutches her gin and tonic to her breast; it is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Calm, cool, collected, she is my voice of sanity in an insane world. Why she giggles, only I know, and why she hugs herself in times of need. A warm red-purple gemstone is only a symbol, an icon of my deep intense love. Her long legs peek out from under a short dress that flaps in the breeze of her joy of life. I crave her company as I crave air. My fiance, my confidant, my lady-in-waiting of a better life. You make me breathe, in this smog of a new city. You are my shining light.
Giles
I grip you tightly with my small hands as you drive me faster and faster until we are both flying. I run my fingers all over you, your smooth curves, your rough edges. I melt. It makes me unconsciously smile every time I see you shining under the hot summer sun. It was love at first sight, I wanted you. You are everything I've ever wanted and from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you had to be mine. I know I've been in a dark place for a while and I've neglected your needs more than I should have, but you never failed to fulfill mine. When I am with you I am warm, comfortable, safe. You ARE my perfect drug.
Pickle
Your bubbly effervescence radiates out of you in clouds from your springy curls down to your perfectly painted toenails, and lifts my heart. The glow of your smile, the bounce in your step, the random songs that burst out of you, they all are precious to me. You are a warm blanket in a cold and desolate town, the cool breeze rolling across this lonely desert life. You are the Marian to my Lucivar, the Fred to my Wesley, the Jenn to my Abe. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, you make me happy to be alive. You are my sister, my mother, my daughter, my best friend, my other half.
Thank you.
5 by 5
Sitting in my lap, she giggles and leans over to whisper softly in my ear. As her chocolate brown waves fall over our faces I see through her drunken milky eyes that she loves me. My tiny hero. She finds me when I'm lost, and helps me dance until all the pain and sadness fall away like our clothing after a long night. She is four feet of power, and packs a punch that finds it's way directly to your soul. My normally adequate sense of language fails to describe the way she has her claws in my heart, the way her tinkling laughter makes me feel, the pull I feel when I'm away. I want to hold her until I die.
She sighs, and exhales a thin stream of gray-blue smoke while she clutches her gin and tonic to her breast; it is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Calm, cool, collected, she is my voice of sanity in an insane world. Why she giggles, only I know, and why she hugs herself in times of need. A warm red-purple gemstone is only a symbol, an icon of my deep intense love. Her long legs peek out from under a short dress that flaps in the breeze of her joy of life. I crave her company as I crave air. My fiance, my confidant, my lady-in-waiting of a better life. You make me breathe, in this smog of a new city. You are my shining light.
Giles
I grip you tightly with my small hands as you drive me faster and faster until we are both flying. I run my fingers all over you, your smooth curves, your rough edges. I melt. It makes me unconsciously smile every time I see you shining under the hot summer sun. It was love at first sight, I wanted you. You are everything I've ever wanted and from the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you had to be mine. I know I've been in a dark place for a while and I've neglected your needs more than I should have, but you never failed to fulfill mine. When I am with you I am warm, comfortable, safe. You ARE my perfect drug.
Pickle
Your bubbly effervescence radiates out of you in clouds from your springy curls down to your perfectly painted toenails, and lifts my heart. The glow of your smile, the bounce in your step, the random songs that burst out of you, they all are precious to me. You are a warm blanket in a cold and desolate town, the cool breeze rolling across this lonely desert life. You are the Marian to my Lucivar, the Fred to my Wesley, the Jenn to my Abe. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, you make me happy to be alive. You are my sister, my mother, my daughter, my best friend, my other half.
Thank you.
5 by 5
Sitting in my lap, she giggles and leans over to whisper softly in my ear. As her chocolate brown waves fall over our faces I see through her drunken milky eyes that she loves me. My tiny hero. She finds me when I'm lost, and helps me dance until all the pain and sadness fall away like our clothing after a long night. She is four feet of power, and packs a punch that finds it's way directly to your soul. My normally adequate sense of language fails to describe the way she has her claws in my heart, the way her tinkling laughter makes me feel, the pull I feel when I'm away. I want to hold her until I die.
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